Friday, 22 August 2008

"If it eats, bribe it," said The Philosopher

Mood: Uncertain-about-my-mood mood
[Toot!] Index: 1.2
Communism Bit: Off
Location: Nakulabye

Because of the spot I am in, at this point in my life, I'm prone to falling for this stuff of subscribing to "conventional wisdom" from business "thought leaders". You know, I may end up picking up a book from some "business guru" or the like.
But I won't.

If I'm going to read anything for my business edification, I know where to find it. For the curious, it is between Ecclesiastes and Psalms—common sense distilled into Semitic dichotomous verse. Consider Proverbs 17:8
A bribe is like a magic stone in the eyes of one who gives it;
wherever he turns, he prospers.
No education is complete without that. I know about Proverbs 17:23, too:
The wicked accepts a bribe in secret,
to pervert the ways of justice.
But you notice the evil one, here, is the one who accepts the bribe to pervert justice—not the giver. I'll be a giver, certainly. Not a taker, but a giver. The bad side of bribes is also part of a complete education, isn't it? More on bribes from The Philosopher, in Proverbs 21:14
A gift in secret averts anger,
and a concealed bribe, strong wrath.
Two lines repeating the same thing (for emphasis, I guess), and with poetic élan.

But the other source of wisdom is from music. The official band of my company will be Coldplay. There is a recurring theme in Coldplay lyrics that is at the very centre of this effort: If you never try, you'll never know. These words, exactly these words, occur in two songs. One is Fix You, and the other is Speed of Sound. Another song, the tear-jerking What If?, has It could bend, or it could break; that's the risk that you take. [...] How can you know it if you don't even try?
So, you see, seated at Trenchtown, this silly old iMac G3, I have roughly everything I need to check up, when drawing policies. When a question arises, say like "Should we slip them a bribe, you think?", I know the answer. "If it eats, bribe it." Vive la corruption! Uganda's single greatest convenience.


leos child said...

firsties.............. hope you wont have to,better make them ask for it then ask them who their boss is and tell them you need to talk to works all the time.

petesmama said...

Good luck with that! Lol!

I'll bring you cigarettes in jail.

gayuganda said...


Communist, you sound like a child miffed by that bribe.

Errr, bribe them.

Well, I speak from a very practical reality. I have bribed to make sure that my people dont go to prison. I have paid blackmail, and scared off blackmailers, because I am gay. That is what life is like.

And in Uganda? If you are going to be torn up about giving a bribe, well, communist, life just doesnt work that way. Bribe, and bribe, and bribe away. Just get the money home, and the profits in the bank, and the girl satisfied. Dont believe the theory that only sex satisfies her!!!! Even guys are like that!

Hey, the gospel according to gug.

Now, communist, when did you start quoting the bible so accurately? And I loved your post. Straight, to the point, and short. Maybe I liked the short most.

Dont mind me, silly me.

And what the hell do you do in Nakulabye? One of these days, I will stop there for the express purpose of looking for you in one of the bufundas.

no. It would be a cybercafe, wouldnt it?

lulu said...

am 4th, wow i kep dropping down the ladders

dont give bribes

Spartakuss said...

@GUG: "Just get the money home, and the profits in the bank, and the girl satisfied. Dont believe the theory that only sex satisfies her!!!! Even guys are like that!"
so it goes down like that huh?
that is one of the most interesting things i've ever read!! lol!

@27th: great post dude...i like the whole darkness in which you give bribe, its so human.reminds of some things; like when she is asking for your heart in the dead of the night, deep in the throes of a sultry, sweaty negotiation, she offers you a bribe you can't refuse...