Saturday, 19 April 2008

CO, The Fire, Space is Pregnant, and Other Short Stories

Mood: Many warring moods.
[Toot!] Index: 0.0
Communism Bit: Off
Location: Job, of course


Okay, so WordPress people, I can't comment on your blogs. Thingy says I'm commenting too fast, I should slow down. On my first comment. Bug.
Blogger people, we are still in our love-hate. I post when it works. Dee says the next Happy Hour is on the 24th. No miss.

On the Budo tragedy ... Ever the iconoclast, I'm into rejoicing. Thank God for the (n-19) children who survived the fire! [1] And also, thank God for showing us that there may be a wet-nosed four-foot heroine scampering about between our legs. The girl heroine, I mean, who died in helping her friends. A kiss, a hug, I breathe a prayer, for that little girl and her parents.

Now, some brightness.
I sneaked up on me cat and flipped her over. You see, she's been eating a lot, of late. I grew suspicious. I was buying more food, without knowing why it was going too fast. So, I crept up, and tossed her around.
And the little pink breasts looked back in startled shock and threw scared hands over their little bosoms and stared back, moving arms to shield the rest of their nakedness. But I had seen.
My cat is pregnant. So we got into the obligatory fight. Why didn't you tell me before? Don't you trust me? Don't you know I'm always going to support you? Et cetera. And we cried on each other's shoulders. And then, like most people who really care about you, I asked Tell me, who is the father? Is he a respectable cat with a solid financial standing? Is he honourable? His family? And she gave me that look of I was drunk, I don't know ... There were many cats. We were all drunk.

Okay. The truth is that I saw them. Back then, around a month ago, my cat got laid. So many male cats were around my place. She called for them (angering waul), and they came. By the dozen. They fought and fucked, and fought and fucked. She got pregnant, but I don't know who the father is, either. Actually, cats can conceive one litter with multiple fathers. There is the dark, furry tomcat with a deep growl. I hope he slipped a daughter in. ;o) I want the best kitties. Then there is the long, thin one. I want kitties! My camera batteries quit right when I saw her and her guys outside my window. There is this one tomcat I'm sure landed a son in there. I hate it because it's an uncouth, uncultured, dreadlocked, communist alley cat. It's ugly, too. But I saw it bound over the walls, once, when I chased it. The sheer athletic ease with which it leapt, the fluid, feline grace with which it landed onto the ledge ... Ah, them kitties will be nice. I knew right away, this one should have kitties with Space. Arranged marriages and shit.

So, I'm buying twice as much food, of late. I need to buy a padded basket for the kittens. Cats take nine weeks to give birth, so I have about a month left. Pregnant cats show much affection (mbu, it's good for the kitties), so I get home and submit to the relentless rubbing-against-me that she's taken up of late. But this will be her last, so she might as well have a blast while at it.

[1] Where n is the number of children who were in danger. In my time in Budo, what most people don't know, we had a fire. But nobody died. A few mattresses burnt, and that was it. I know that people who die in fires don't die of fire. They die of CO. When in a fire, stay as low as you can, because CO rises in the heat, and the non-poisonous air is below. You won't die of the fire - don't fear it. Fear the poisoned air.

24 comments:

DeTamble said...

SOCKS! Fifth time in a row! I'm on a Communist roll!!!! Sweet! Except I have to go out now, stupid Ginger!!! Will read later I guess :-(

Princess said...

Congs! You're gonna be a daddy! [sort of!] LOL.

Iwaya said...

youn watch your cat in the...errr..act?

This was hilarious by the way!

DeTamble said...

Kittens :D I remember kittens. Ohhh, they're so cute!! Pity they're so darn annoying too. Well, enjoy...and don't kill them!

I hate that relentless rubbing-against thing. Especially when you're trying to sleep and they shove their face in your face and purr like a rocket ship.

"Is he a respectable cat with a solid financial standing?" Hahahaha! Cake!

Tandra said...

like OMG! congs!

sybella said...

lol... that is so cute. the last time we had a female cat, she decided to have her babies in my brother's clothes which were on his bed, he was not amused. so get ready for that mess somewhere in your crib... after that drama, my Mom decided that we would have only male ones and they were always castrated.

gayuganda said...

Congs comrade. Soon to be a father.
A happy pregnancy to you and yours.

gug

Peace said...

The story about Space had me dying. I could picture Mom asking me of my boyfriend, even though she wouldn’t as long as we loved each other, ‘Is he a respectable man with a solid financial standing?’ To which I would say, ‘Respectable? mmm. Solid financial standing? Ah, ah.’

Be silent said...

Kale you had me rolling i hear who is the cat father

buttercookie said...

Space is preggo??? And u're the daddy??? Wow.

This has got to be a first!

-Cheri

buttercookie said...

But Rev, ever the one to be offside...

-Cheri

antipop said...

i think you are a bad father comrade. why you saw your cat going at it and never grounded it, i will never know. never put it across your lap and administered a good spanking, never berated. just took the horny sucker back and fed its greedy self. now u gotta raise its bastards. i bet all those boys took off when tehy heard that she'd bin knocked up.
i love this post

Duksey said...

You invaded her privacy!
Trust me on the multiple dads.Funny my Ruby seemed to have one dude.With every litter she had black and grey kitties.
Let me be the first to know when labour sets in.

antipop said...

get a load of that spam blogger up here tryna sell perfume. mbu this post is likeable, and congratulations... phuuuuuleeez!
comrade, tell them u invented cool posts...

DeTamble said...

Sooo true Antipop!! 27th! Let me and Princess beat her up!!! No one spams except me!! :P

Princess said...

someone need my skills? :D

DeTamble said...

Yes! Princess! You bring your boxing gloves and punch her in the face and we'll kick her to the ground and then I can use my pretty teeth to rip into her neck! :-D It'll be awesome! And then we can have some more chocolate :-D

candybox said...

Kittys on the way? Aawwwww. Can i have one please?
Liking your digs. Will be back.

31337 said...

dude, all the best with the litter, god father is it?

lulu said...

i have never been so amused! greeeeeat! just greaT!

Elle B said...

That was hilarious. Who knew kitties could be supervised to that extent. And by the way, what you did back there, that was voyeurism. Space has rights, you know.

smelling the coffee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
smelling the coffee said...

your cat is affectionate pregnant! ours is a ninja. oh no, i'm not exaggerating. we've had kitties mauled by dogs, but every dog in the neighbourhood has a nose scratch from her. She does not like to be touched at all, especially when pregnant!

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