Monday, 2 April 2007

Rantdom Thurogitts 1.7

Mood: Lovin' life, Thinking with half a leg.
Frig Index: 4.9
Communism Bit: On
Location: Job, of course

First off, someone mention BHH 4.0! I am getting uncomfortable! Jackfruity? I swear, I am in the dark. And very, very worried.

Now, I am going to be bringing you the ... [drumroll, gwe Baz!] ... the Communist Review!
Well, I am glad you asked. `The only silly question is the one you don't ask.'*
It is this review, of just about anything, where I judge things by how well they stick to Communist values (as I hold them). A luxurious spa would score near-zero, while a homeless shelter would get `Highly, Highly Recommended'. It seems like upside-down of what you may want. But not always. For example, a woman who works the plough and has the physique of a fugitive would score high. What, you don't want to be mauled to death? I mean in sex. Of course not. She'd score negatives. Communist or not, we prefer a neat, blinking, powdered, well-packaged Inky-Cheri-Carlo-Dee amalgam. An alloy of obscene beauty, to put it mildly.

Also, now my boss will certainly hate me. I have spent a pretty unproductive day, and I wind up on his bandwidth, typing truths that are better left unsaid.

Is it true mbu there is a plan to start honking for some time after 5:30pm, everyday, as a (rather loud) reminder to the government that we don't want the forests touched? Museveni is such an unfortunate bugger. We are raised being taught how the environment is more important than old men, and then we grow up and buy cars. And use them on him. Hohohoho.

Then, earlier, I made some fiery comments about how Africa is portrayed in the West (and, as a result, in Africa). I said it was innacurate, because Africa is made of more than the stereotypical unfortunate sufferers and assholic politicians. My Mama is part of Africa. And she rocks! But Africa sucks 100%, on CNN.
Baz issued a rebuttal, a work of genius, right from the title. His point is that affluent Africa is so minute. In Physics that percentage is usually labelled `negligible'. So, we should pay attention to the big, big sore.
But he is wrong. We are the Invisible Children. Nobody knows we exist. I smelt light anger in the comments, mbu how can I be giving a frig about being visible, when the exposure, negative or not, could help things. Well, it doesn't help. It kills the Africans' psyche, and assures them, by the simple process of argumentum ad nauseum, that they are inferior semi-beasts. Never under-estimate the power of argumentum ad nauseum—we used it to create near-deistic personality cults around shivering alcoholics, in the Glory Days of the Beautiful Ideology, and to enlist un-questioning obedience and sub-servience to the powers we elected to be obeyed and worshipped. That's dangerous, especially when applied to/against a whole continent/race! It also brain-washes the West into thinking we are all assholes. We aren't all, mainly because the UG bloggers are in Africa, and so is my Mum.
Seeing the alpha-males and flawless goddesses that grace affluent Africa as the true picture of what Africa is, and the runny-nosed majority as the divergent dissidents** is step one to healing the wound. It's like when Comrade Deng Xiaoping said, in broke, starving China: `to get rich is honourable.' This requires a book, and I hate long posts. Just know that when your body is festering, look at (and show) the hair—it doesn't fall sick.
Sorry for such rants, by the way. I am so out of character, no? Do you still love me, blogren? Shite, you never loved me!

Joshua asked me, earlier, why I, along with other UG bloggers, seemed essentially oblivious of what had been that week's `biggest story' - the siege of the High Court, the one that sparked off worrying boycotts and strikes by the legal community.
I answered for myself. Lemme flesh out my point.
You see, Uganda is not one of them countries where bloggers are dissidents, telling the World what's happening behind the stone curtain. This is Uganda, where naïve idiots routinely take the President hostage in a letter to the editor, where I can say `Fuck Sevo!' and get wild cheers, where Besigye has to drum it into us that we are living in a repressive dictatorship (Amin needed no such help), and the papers are un-censored propaganda tools of the opposition. If any blogger knows anything, it is from the papers. And the papers are online, full content. So, our role is not to sneak government papers out. I see us as annals of Uganda's pop culture, since the history of the African youth who isn't wielding a gun has been completely neglected, yet it is the future of Africa! We are not going to have Mobutu again! Since about 10 years old, I have not been led by any leader (even the class monitor) who wasn't voted. The many times I ran into school law, I had the code read to me. The next generation of Uganda (and Africa, I want to assume) has grown up with more democracy and rule of law than clothes and deo. I won't let me be the tenth person to note that something bad happened in Kampala. I want to be the first to note that something good was born a generation ago.

To those of you who read to the orgasmic end of this post: a kiss and a hug. Long live the annal of normal Africa, long live the annal of future Africa, long live the I-hate-stereotypes African blogger, long live the Revolution, short live this friggin' headache.
Get well soon, Cheri. Please. Or my head will hurt incesstantly

* The maxim is stupid, but hey!
** Hehehe. Ah, the Communist fervour! :oD


pernille said...

Man - this is good. I believe you are very much right about the Ugandan bloggers and how political it will get/can get. But also - don't estimate the 'pop-culture' and not fitting into the 'African blogger stereotype'...That might also make you famous.
This documentary can only be interesting, I think...whatever the point is going to be...
PS: Now I have started commenting on your blog your style - also freely associating!!
PPS. Next UBHH - well, I will be there.

Heaven! said...

i read it to the end...but it's late and my brain has kinda logged off(happens to me) but seeing that yours is also just being random(ha!), i guess i can leave a random comment...

Savage-No, I didn't quit said...

There is a way it has become so easy for M7 to shit on the Ugandan population.

Cheri said...

Yes, true Savage, Sevo has learnt bad manners. Ok, he had them all along. But now it's gone a wee bit too far.

Read today's headline about Mabira and he insists it must go....even after Kabaka(bless him) gave away his mega land...

Shitting in progress!

Joshua said...

i like your fiery comments, my man. i think you are money on point with the pop culture, but its not one or the other. I think blogs can be a tool for both politics and culture. Its also a manner of how open the government is to open debate. i certainly would say ugandan press is a tool of the oppossition.

you are an interesting fellow...and i follow your work with gusto.

Cheri said...

Oh,and Rev....I'm good. After 3 jabs, I'm back to my best!

QueenB said...

cant wait for the honk day will do it wit ease am startin to hate a buger i dnt even know i just hear about him..............

ish said...

i can so see u behind some pulpit, fist shaking, foot stomping, inspiring a popular revolt of some sort. think Martin Luther King Jr without the accent. and u say speak the truth concerning the mainstream vs. citizen media in Ug.

Baz said...

Rev-olution, I promise to come back in about a week. Tune in, Ish. It's my defence of the traditional media.

In the meantime, dude, how do you be talking about exposure and anal like that? As Ice Cube said, "Stop cussin'. This ain't Def Comedy Jam!"

Sam said...

@Baz. Oh, oh.

Rev, I'm inspired.

The 27th Comrade said...

Eh! Tout le monde!
@Pernille: Hmm ... I shiver when people look at me for more than thirty seconds, so, nope!

@Heaven!: You are looking at a logoff victim, right now.

@Sav and Cheri: Well, shtting he does, but 50% of the time we think he is shittingon us, he thinks he is doing the right thing for the country. It's not as easy to be a president as it is to be a critic of a president.
Oh, and my headache quit, Cheri. That's how I knew you were back on prime.

@Joshua: Yeah, blogs can be about pop culture and politics, but we have whole newspapers ranting about the same old political crap. It would be depressing if, for the love of the band wagon, the bloggers started cutting and pasting politics. Depressing. Blogs are not on the newstands, and for good reason.

@QueenB: Yeah, it would be fun to see it work. It sounds like a threat, for now. An empty threat.

@Ish: I can also do the accent, if that is your kind of thing ... :oD
Yeah, I want some kind of popular revolt. Communist revolution, kinda.

@Baz: You pervert, you need to get brain-washed. With Omo.

@Sam: Your guru awaiteth. That's me, as in.

DeTamble said...

If it makes you feel better I know you're not invisible, in fact your highly visible! VERY VISIBLE since I'm wasting all my time reading your goddamn blog and not doing my assignment which I should be doing and will be failing shortly!

DeTamble said...

I should have said irritating too.

DeTamble said...

And another thing Mr. Snob! Everything sucks 100% on CNN! Not just Africa! Have you ever bothered to watch CNN and notice anything they say that doesn't have something to do with Africa? Well, it all SUCKS! EVERYTHING THEY SAY! Sucketh! To the enth degree!

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